Years ago, I read an article claiming that the Danish people were the happiest in the world. The argument has stuck with me: Danish people live with high hopes and low expectations.
Reflections on Happiness, Trust, and Expectations
This idea has resonated with me for years, and I’ve shared it often, asking Danes their thoughts. Without fail, they agreed—They weren't exuberant in their happiness, but they were reliably, and unapologetically, content. Most importantly, they were seldom disappointed. Their secret? They didn’t expect much, leaving room for their expectations to be exceeded.
Recently, I came across another article claiming that Finland or Norway had now taken the title of “happiest country.” Rather than challenging my view, the article simply oversimplified the original theory.
The article’s explanation? The happiness of Finns or Norwegians came from trust, which created a more honest, stress-free environment. While that made sense, it didn’t explain how they built that trust—unlike the original article about Denmark, which emphasized a mindset of high hopes and low expectations, which I could get behind.
At the time, I was living in Medellín, Colombia, far from Scandinavia, and feeling happier than I’d ever been.
This formula isn’t exclusive to the Danes. Trust, I believe, is the result of living with high hopes and low expectations. Building a trustworthy community, after all, is about surrounding yourself with people who share that mindset. And that goes beyond geography.
The people in Medellin are the friendliest people I've ever gotten to know. The Paisa people, as they're called, love their city, state, and region.
As genuinely happy as they are, the Paisa people still struggle to trust; frequently warning me that "Colombians steal," or "can't be trusted."
The Role of Trust and Cultural Translation
Whether one group is truly "happier" than another is impossible to measure. But the key to happiness might be universal: the process of building trust. Over the years, I’ve seen this outlook in many places. People who seemed genuinely happy often lived with low expectations and high hopes.
And so I've pondered: Does trust lead to low expectations and high hopes, or do low expectations and high hopes foster trust? Both are possible, especially in family relationships where trust forms first and hopes and expectations follow.
Trust as the Outcome of a Process
The formula for contentment might look something like this: Low Expectations + High Hopes = Contentment = Trust + Happiness.
The recent article missed the point—trust isn’t the formula for happiness, but the result of it. To explain this, think of Usain Bolt. He didn’t win gold simply because he’s fast; he’s fast because of the environment and training that allowed him to develop that speed. Similarly, Michael Phelps didn’t become the greatest swimmer by chance. Both athletes thrived because they had the right combination of natural ability, dedication, and opportunities that set the stage for their greatness.
The same goes for Simone Biles. Her achievements in gymnastics are not solely due to her innate talent, but also the support, coaching, and drive she had throughout her life.
Biles, Bolt, and Phelps didn’t become the best simply because they were born with potential. We all have potential in some sphere or another. Their success came from a precise formula of physical ability, a supportive environment, and a relentless work ethic.
Biles, Bolt and Phelps harnessed their potential.
Likewise, while I don’t expect to run as fast as Bolt or swim like Phelps, it inspires me to know that with the right conditions, I could achieve my best. And that’s the key: happiness and success come from reaching your personal best, not from inheriting a predetermined outcome.
Happiness Beyond Borders
Happiness isn’t exclusive to Scandinavians. While their systems may help them endure harsh winters and long nights, other cultures and communities find joy through similar processes.
Authors like Michaeleen Doucleff, Peter Gray, and Christopher Alexander explore related ideas in their books—whether it’s autonomy in parenting (Doucleff, 2021; Gray, 2013), or the importance of patterns in building sustainable communities. A Pattern Language (Alexander, 1977), in particular, has become a guide for me, addressing the interconnectedness between built, natural, and social environments.
Ultimately, the wisdom of patience and persistence is embedded in many cultures: "Nothing good comes easily," and "All good things come to those who wait."
References
Alexander, C., Ishikawa, S., & Silverstein, M. (1977). A pattern language: Towns, buildings, construction. Oxford University Press.
Doucleff, M. (2021). Hunt, gather, parent: What ancient cultures can teach us about the lost art of parenting. Avery.
Gray, P. (2013). Free to learn: Why unleashing the instinct to play will make our children happier, more self-reliant, and better students for life. Basic Books.
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